Ramblings...

I hate life. not my life, just the general term. there is no living without money. you cant eat, cant stay warm, and just cant survive. you cant get money without slavery. thats all that jobs are. minimum wage is a joke. a bunch of old fat egotistical men came up with each states minimum wage. they all got together, sat their fat butts around a table that cost more than a house, drinking coffee that cost more than a month of food simply because another fat old man said it was good, and calculated the very least amount of money it took a person to survive in any given area. subtracted a dollar or two an hour, and made it minimum wage. and thanks to all the stupid dirty and all around discusting illegal mexicans, every employer in the state can get away with only paying that much. and if you are lucky enough to get a job that you can survive off of, whats the point? nine hours a day, five days a week, to do mind numbing, dull, stupid repedative tasks that wouldnt make a difference if the world depended on it. for the rest of us that cannot survive with our crappy jobs, we rely on state assistance. with a huge, fat catch. you still have to get so much money a week to get your assistance. how stupid is that?! if i was making enough a week, i wouldnt need your assistance now would i?!?! if you dont make enough, they waste your time and gas to get to a class that serves no purpose, and require you to spend so many hours a week looking for a better job. hey guess what, if i could get a better job, i wouldnt have filed a claim. there are no jobs unless you have a degree, two years minimum experience, or are willing to work for that aweful minimum wage flipping greasy nasty fat dripping burgers for the already fat and nasty people of this world. all in all, i hate life.

on a happier note, i went into labor five weeks early. they were able to stop it with some pills, but those pills give me tremors and im still in loads of pain. so to sum up my night, i'm miserable and depressed. and alone. appearantly i drive people away. i have no friends and no life. and im making my husband's just as boring and sad. i've gone viral...

Collan the destroyer!

So, Collan thinks its funny to wake up mommy at 5 in the morning. And not let her go back to sleep. I must have rolled over onto my back while sleeping, and he found a nice cozy spot on my spine. It must have pinched a nerve real good because it felt like my rib cage had just been crushed by an elephant, and i couldn't lay back down for about an hour. Then when i finally got to lay back down, he thought it would be awesome to start moving around again, in the most awkward spots. It felt like he was trying to stand up sideways in my stomache. Bowser could tell something was wrong, and hasnt left my side since. But bowser was also kinda whining, and giving me this look, like, "he's coming, and I've warned you." I told him, if he's talking to the little boy in my belly, he better tell him he's got ten more weeks to stew. No premie babies here, no no no no. Anyway, my jobs still suck. i have two, and i'm still only getting 10-15 hours a week. But with all this baby aching, maybe the doctor will tell me no more work. no more worries. sort of. i might go a little nutty, but thats okay. mom seems to have survived all this time. :) i think my bosses are scared i'll pop mid shift. which is just silly. nothing a mop can't handle! other than that, there's really nothing else going on. pretty dull indeed. ....

Collan's Room

So, Destin decided we should paint the spare bedroom in our apartment for collan. i wanted to anyway, but he got all excited about it, so we went to get the paint. we still had some from when the landlord got us some to paint the whole apartment. it just needed color. we decided on an earthy brown color, and the room already looks amazing. it doesnt look half bad with the blue carpet either. and so far everything we've bought or received for the baby has been of a jungle/safari theme. so we went to the craft store today, and got some little wooden cut outs of an elephant, a hippo, an aligator, a lion, and a monkey. and a bunch of trees that i still have to paint. (the others were prepainted.) so as soon as we find a place to put our old king size matress, and destin's brother finally comes to pick up his pool table, i'll be able to make the room habitable. and i'll take pictures. i know i said i'd have pictures of my belly on here soon, but im just too lazy. but i'll have some before he pops out. 11 more weeks. ish.

Six months down, three to go. in four weeks i have to get a shot because my blood is a negative type. i hate needles. Collan is growing just like he should be. and so am i. i gained seven pounds between visits. i think the holidays may have largely contributed to that. ;) i thought i had gotten a really good job, and we'd start doing better, but the boss lady keeps telling me things that make it harder to want to work for her. like, for instance, she said jobs started at five in the morning at the earliest. and yet the only job she had scheduled for the new hires this week started at 3.50 in the morning. there's no way this body and this baby are letting me get out of bed that early. and it really sucks! because now i have to find another job. and it was hard enough finding that one. there is nothing in idaho. i hate it. why does this world suck so bad?

IT'S A BOY!!! His name will be Collan Edward Sterling. And so far so good. He's healthy as far as the doctors can tell and growing stronger every day. Some mornings he wakes me up real grumpy like, but other mornings are just fine. Only four months to go!

Four months left!

I'm already five months along! Tomorrow we go to the doctor for an ultra sound and find out the gender! I call the baby a he, just because its easier, but I'll be happy with a boy or girl. Either way, the baby is super strong. He's always kicking and wriggling around. Destin felt him really move for the first time the other day. He just got a big grin on his face and said, "Hello baby!". Sometimes i wish he would stay still, because when he moves too much i get nauseaus. But i suppose i would get worried if he wasnt moving anymore. My belly is bulging like a balloon. And i know I've told everyone i'd have pictures like months ago, but i'm still working on that. Mom didnt lie when she said pregnancy kills brain cells. And i think my feet are getting fatter. My shoes hurt a lot. But dont tell Destin, he'll go out and buy me new shoes! We got our crib set up and im just working on shampooing all the carpets. its tough work on old carpet. takes much more work to get out the ancient dirt. But i better get up and eat before i start dry heaving. yum yum!

Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

Alysha and Tonya tell me myspace is outdated, and i should get one of these blogs. Like they're going to read it anyway. but at least i can write somewhere. Maybe it will be my new therapy. so i'll do 100 things about me.

1. i hate coconut.
2. and pineapple.
3. i make the best apple pie.
4. i'm pregnant with our first baby.
5. i'm terrified of being a parent.
6. but also extatic.
7. i have trouble getting out of bed before ten because of morning sickness. (that lasts all day)
8. i have to take pills to stop the vommitting.
9. i lost 15 pounds when i got pregnant.
10. i was pregnant at andy's and amy's wedding. (which is why i was crying at all the baby's there)
11. i havent smoked in five months.
12. im very proud of that fact.
13. i own a chihuahua.
14. she is my very best friend(besides my hubby)((and wheh she's not pooping on my floor))
15. i love cold cereal.
16. i strongly dislike humans.
17. i hate working for someone else
18. i just want to be a stay at home mom.
19. i got super excited about winning a carpet cleaner on ebay(just like mom's)
20. i hate mold.
21. and i have an amazing little sister willing to clean it up for me :)
22. i feel abandonded by my family.
23. i couldnt tell you 20 things about my brothers.
24. and that depresses me.
25. i love my sister jayme more than she could ever know,
26. but i know very little about who she is.
27. i wish i had the strength my mom and sisters have
28. but most always fall short.
29. i'm one of the very few people in this world that can say i love my mother in law.
30. she's stronger than anyone would ever believe to look at her.
31. she raised an amazing son who loves to spoil me.
32. i feel selfish when he spoils me.
33. i want nothing more than to grow old with destin
34. in the mountains with 10 gi-hugic dogs and my chihuahua
35. and our 1-4 kids.
36. i hope our baby is a boy, but really only care that he/she is healthy.
37. our kids are going to be geniuses.
38. by the time they're 9.
39. i hate soggy frosted mini wheats
40. i got into a lot of trouble before i was 20.
41. i sent a kid to jail for drunk driving.
42. i love candy bars
43. but havent been able to eat one since i got pregnant
44. i gave up mountain dew for the baby
45. it was my last addiction
46. our dog bowser poops as big as a small elephant.
47. our baby already has finger and toe nails.
48. i cant find a job in idaho falls
49. that also depresses me
50. i feel like im failing my family.
51. nobody makes me feel better about myself than destin
52. i love when he tells me im pretty
53. i love when he wakes up in the middle of the night to hold me for a while
54. i steal all the covers :)
55. i think oil tycoons should be robbed of all their money and thrown into the street for being lousy people
56. i disagree with my parents in politics,
57. and it drives mom nuts
58. i hate people that are stupid about their guns,
59. i love guns
60. i believe firmly in gun locks and safes.
61. when i get sick, i might as well be in a coma.
62. i hate being sick.
63. i faked needing glasses in gradeschool
64. i thought it would make me friends
65. i got teased worse.
66. i havent cut in three years.
67. and i never will again.
68. i think it left more scars on my family than it did me.
69. i'm sorry i hurt them
70. i'm sorry for a lot of things.
71. like not knowing my siblings.
72. i admire their talents
73. and disregard my own as incomparable
74. i love kittens
75. i loved laying outside in the summer with all the cats and dogs around me
76. i used to ride my bike eight miles a day
77. meisha saved me once.
78. i was going to jump in the canal, when she layed on my lap and wouldnt get off.
79. so i just cried.
80. i got in trouble for not being home to do my chores.
81. i want to see japan with my husband.
82. i hate the army.
83. they are all sissies.
84. i'm proud of my marine :)
85. the inlaws can argue, but our baby will be destin's mom's favorite. (he's the favorite child)
86. i miss my josi.
87. it depresses me that i never get to see her. (diogi misses her too)
88. i can feel the baby move sometimes
89. and it freaks me out
90. i love subway
91. the baby loves it too
92. i can make a sandwich to please anyone
93. i miss my family dearly.
94. i have finger toes
95. i love woodworking
96. i used to draw, but gave up.
97. i never felt it was good enough.
98. i love my husband more than anything
99. i fit perfectly into his arms
100. i'm clausterphobic